If you don't know who Maddox is, perhaps you are simply not worthy enough to worship at his testosterone-fueled altar.
Author and creator of thebestpageintheuniverse.com, George Ouzounian (aka Maddox) chats up (if real men can be said to 'chat') and reads from his newly revised and ever-so manly The Alphabet of Manliness.
Satirical, profane, and saturated with pop culture, the book is what The New York Times so condescendingly refers to as "Fratire." I say its critic needs a swift gut punch and karate chop to the neck!
No politically correct target is spared the wrath of this geek who poses as a man. Senior citizens, children, vegetarians, MAC users, George W. Bush, and goths all end up in Maddox's brutally hilarious crosshairs.
And if you don't get the joke, perhaps you should get a funny bone transplant, because in another age your parents would have left you in a field as a child, to be devoured by the beasts of the jungle.
Maddox is the Andy Kaufman of chauvinism and manly misanthropy.
Read the excerpts below to get an idea of what this dudeliest of dudes is about.
ON THE LATEST JAMES BOND FILM, QUANTUM OF SOLACE:
"Bolivia. That's what's at stake in the new James Bond movie. Except not the entire country, just the public utilities. And not all public utilities, just 60% of the water... Yes, if a certain evil villain gets his way, 60% of the water in Bolivia will cost more.
JESUS NO!
Only James Bond—the secret agent who foiled a plot to destroy London with nuclear missiles—can make water more affordable for Bolivians! This is easily the stupidest James Bond movie since the last one. I don't know what Hollywood's obsession is with making jerk-off movies where the bad guys are "realistic." You know what's another word for realistic? Boring. If I wanted realism, I'd walk down the street to get Mexican food, and maybe stop by a Borders and pick up some magazines. You know why they don't make movies about me shopping for magazines? That's because nobody gives a shit. And that's what Quantum of Solace is: me shopping for magazines, with no Mexican food."
ON PEOPLE WHO SAY, "NO PUN INTENDED"
"I read an exchange the other day between some loser flirting with some lonely single mom on a message board for lonely single losers (not to preclude one from the other, no reason you can't be both). The guy's avatar said "IRISH 4 LIFE," and his profile stated that he's a "Dave Matthews Band" fan, so already his face is high on my list of places I would like to rest my feet (Dave Matthews fans are like the trans-fats of fandom: oversaturated with obnoxiousness, found everywhere, and impossible to get rid of; for example, they only refer to the band as DMB... you can't abbreviate the word 'band' assholes, it's a band by virtue of the fact that there is more than 1 person in it, and for the record, adding the word 'band' to your name doesn't make you any less of an egotistical shit head). Man, you know what I hate? Dave Matthews."
ON CHUCK NORRIS:
"Chuck Norris eats rocks and shits lightning bolts," the chapter begins. "One time Chuck Norris was walking around in the forest, looking for hippies to use as firewood, when a wild boar suddenly crossed his path. Big mistake. Chuck lifted the boar into the air with his mind, spun him around, and digested him telekinetically. And Chuck wasn't even hungry."
The event is, of course, free. Real men don't PAY to see limp-wristed writers. Borders on Liberty is located at 612 E. Liberty St. in downtown Ann Arbor.
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