Editor's note: This story is part of Southwest Michigan's Second Wave's On the Ground Kalamazoo series.

KALAMAZOO, MI — From generation to generation, a lot changes. Thirty years ago, people worried about the Y2K bug, pollution, and unemployment. Today, issues range from life-threatening viruses to climate change and online predators.

But some things -- like being a dad -- remain the same. The role includes the need for dedication, flexibility, and presence. As Father's Day rolls around this week, Second Wave spoke to a cross-section of local dads to find out what fatherhood means to them.

Fatherhood requires commitment

People should know that once they’re ready to have kids, “the majority of your time, your mind, needs to go toward raising them,” says Kiar Gamsho, store director of Park Street Market. And he suggests that people remember what their father’s told them.

Kiar Gamsho, store director of Park Street Market“My father was always right,” he says with a laugh. “Take his advice. That wisdom over time, you can’t replace it.”

Gamsho and his wife Eva are the parents of five children, ranging from 4 months to 9 years. He was one of a cross-section of local men asked about fatherhood in advance of this year’s June 16 Father’s Day celebration.

Gamsho says his greatest worry as a father occurred a few months ago when he was unexpectedly hospitalized with a serious illness. He feared “being sick and not being able to raise my kids and teach them about the world and how to survive.”

CourtesyKiar Gamsho and his youngest child, Kiar, JrHis most satisfying moment happens whenever he comes home. "I would say it's coming home from work or school or the gym and getting to the door and knowing I have someone to come home to.”

He says he's working to make sure his children don't get too attached to cell phones for their entertainment. 

What’s a father’s greatest worry?

“I don’t know that there’s just one,” says Ben Barber, a 45-year-old Kalamazoo man who is the father of four (including stepchildren). His children range in age from 9 to 14.

Asked what he would tell any prospective father, he suggested that having a positive mindset is best and he says, "It's the coolest thing you'll ever do." 

Ben Barber, 45, Realtor with Keller-Williams and a paid on-call firefighter for Kalamazoo Township.Barber is a Realtor with Keller-Williams in Kalamazoo and a paid on-call firefighter with Kalamazoo Township’s Eastwood Station.

He synopsized a common sentiment among several fathers who were interviewed by saying, “Ultimately I want my kids to be good people. I feel that’s my job as a dad — (to make sure) that whatever they do in life, they’re happy.” 

What do they know now that they wish they knew before they became fathers?

DeMargeo White says he wishes he had learned more patience before he became a father. The 34-year-old Kalamazoo man is married and the father of three boys and one girl, ages 1 to 11.

DeMargeo White and his son, Roman, 4, take a break on Thursday, June 6, 2024, from unloading products for White’s business Huey D’s Goodies.“To have patience with kids, it’s a journey,” he says. “It’s an up-and-down journey. Patience -- it’s a rollercoaster.”

Aside from the fear of losing one of his children before their time, he says his greatest worry is about any of them spending time with the wrong crowd of peers. He says his happiest moment as a father is "Quality time -- spending as much time as I can with time with them."

White is the owner of Huey D’s Goodies, a gourmet cheesecake business.

Michael Harris says he wishes he had known about the ongoing responsibilities of being a father as children become young adults. The 49-year-old Kalamazoo man is married and has daughters ages 23, 28 and 29. Harris is a cook who says he is working to start a barbeque restaurant.

“I thought when they turned 18 it was done,” he says with a laugh. “But the responsibilities don’t stop.”

Michael Harris, 49, of Kalamazoo, is a cook hoping to open a restaurant.He is most concerned about their safety.

“By me having girls, (I worry) that they don’t get intertwined with the wrong guys,” he says. “I hope they find the right person that they can grow old with, not one of these guys that doesn’t want anything out of life.”

Harris says his best moments as a father were when each of his daughters graduated from school. His worst moment occurred about four months ago when his eldest daughter was in a car accident. “We dodged a bullet then. Somebody got in front of her and she swerved and hit a pole,” he says. But she’s OK now.

Parenting is a work in progress

Joe Gonzalez says he wishes he knew more ways to handle sticky situations before he became a father. He says, “Just having more patience.”

The 30-year-old Kalamazoo man is married with a 5-year-old daughter and a son who will be 10 in September. Despite their young age and his line of work, he says he already worries about who they may one day hang around with. “You know they start young,” he says with a laugh.

Gonzalez is a Kalamazoo Public Safety Officer.

Joe Gonzalez, 30, is a Kalamazoo Public Safety OfficerHe says his best moment as a father thus far has been watching his son pitch a complete baseball game, a one-hitter in a recent tournament for 10-year-olds. He says his low moments have been when he finds himself saying or doing things he didn’t appreciate when he was a child.

“I think when I’ve mirrored things that my dad used to do — just getting loud with the kids,” he says. “That upsets me, getting that temper and kind of displaying behavior my dad used to. Things I didn’t like as a kid.”

Matt Smith laughed when asked what he wishes he knew before becoming a father. The 40-year-old Kalamazoo man and his wife have a 10-year-old son.

Smith says he wishes he had been better at supporting the management of his household, “making that a much better priority, not just doing the bare minimum. That would be No. 1 — to do my part.”

Matt Smith, 40, of Kalamazoo, a librarian at the Kalamazoo Public Library and local historian and housing activist He says he is getting past the constant worry of his son Immanuel getting hurt. And his happiest moment as a father has been seeing his son develop excellent social IQ/social intelligence, and seeing him become confident when interacting with different age groups and adults.

“When I was a kid I was scared to death of adults,” Smith says. “I didn’t know how to interact. And he has a great healthy, social intelligence with his peers, with his teachers, with adults. … So that makes me real proud.”

Smith is a librarian at the Kalamazoo Public Library, a local historian, and a housing activist.

Protecting and providing remain the focus

Casey Longton says the health and safety of his family are his greatest concerns as a father. His greatest moments have been the love and affection he gets from his 2-year-old son Caden when they spend time together in the morning and when he gets home from work each day.

Longton, 41, is the manager/owner of Roca restaurant in downtown Kalamazoo.
“I had kids late in life,” Longton says. “My life was a lot different three years ago than it is today.”

Casey Longton, 41, manager/owner of Roca restaurant in downtown Kalamazoo.While he says he thinks he has prepared himself as much as possible, he knows that as his family grows, there will be challenges. His wife is expecting to have twin girls in a matter of months.

“I'm sweating a lot of things with that," he says with a laugh. "With the one (child) it has been pretty fantastic. I know it's going to be amazing with all three of them. But what I have experienced thus far has been wonderful."

Asked what he wishes he had known about fatherhood beforehand, he says, "It's OK to wait (to become a father). I feel good about being a father at 40. It would have been fine at 20 as well but it would have been a whole different ball game. It would have been a lot more stresses and worries in life."

He says you may have a little less energy as you get older but you keep your emotions in check better, you're more calm, and you're more patient.

Terry Buschert says he wishes he had made sure his children were taught the way he was taught. He doesn't agree with some of the things they learned in school, he says. His greatest fears and hopes as a father revolve around faith.

“I wish I was a Christian from the time my firstborn was born,” says Buschert, who is a lead envelope specialist (maintains exteriors of buildings) for Architectural Metals Inc. He has five children ages 23 to 35. He became a born-again Christian at age 27.

He says his two youngest children grew up in a Christian home. But his three older children did not. And he says his greatest fear is that they’ll walk away from God.

Terry Buschert, lead envelope specialists (maintains exteriors of buildings) for Architectural Metals Inc.“They’re already starting to,” he says. “In this world, they’re walking away from God and now I don’t get to see my grandchildren.”

None of his 12 grandchildren have been baptized.

He says his lowest moment as a father was when a son-in-law left his daughter and her two children. His best moments as a father were watching his children being baptized.

Enjoying children’s younger years

Barber, who has been a father for 14 years, says time flies when you’re having fun. That includes the time parents get to spend with their children when they're young.

Ben Barber, 45, Realtor with Keller-Williams and a paid on-call firefighter for Kalamazoo Township.“All those people who told me it goes quick? I wish I had believed them,” Barber says with a laugh. “I didn’t believe them. My 14-year-old just graduated from middle school yesterday, and it seems like last week I was walking her to kindergarten.”

He says his happiest moment as a father was probably when his first daughter was born.

“She ended up being an emergency C-section,” he says. “But when they pulled her out, her eyes were wide open, and … I was in love with her from the second I saw her.”

Asked if there’s a worst moment, he joked that it’s his daughter being a teen-ager. He worries.

But he says, “Life is life. There’s always ups and downs. It’s all mindset like anything in life. … If your mindset is a bad one, things are going to be bad. If you have a positive outlook, that’s where you need to be.”

So what do you want for Father’s Day?

“Honestly, I don’t need anything,” White says.  “I just want time alone just to relax, and just kick my feet up and chill and be lazy.”

Longton and Barber agree, saying they simply want to spend time with his kids. Barber says he’ll probably force a couple of his to go fishing with him because they turned him down on Memorial Day.

Gonzalez says he wants a happy family on Father’s Day. His son will be playing baseball that day. “We’ll be coaching,” he says, “so hopefully my son does something great on the field.”

Harris says he would like to spend time with his three grandchildren. Asked what’s the best thing about being a father, he says, “To look at the things that I tell them now, I can remember when somebody was telling me the same things." 

He says, "It’s like history repeating itself. I can see things coming before they do, like my parents seen things coming before I did, (and) told me. Sometimes I listened to them and was OK. And when I didn’t, it turned out a hard way.”

Buschert says he would love to have his five adult children and his 12 grandchildren join him in church for Father’s Day.

Asked what he wanted for Father’s Day, Smith was among the fathers who said, “Nothing.” He says he and his family may go out to eat or go on a bike ride.

He says, “I want to be the father that is a decent father every single day. I don’t want recognition.”